Monday, February 11, 2008

My feeding story

This post serves to tell 2 stories.

One is of my breastfeeding story. Alhamdullillah, after 66 days of having lil one, i can still say that he is on mama's milk 100%. minus the air zam zam that we gave him once inawhile (or air lain - in case ada yg gatal tangan bagi behind my back) i have succeeded in delaying giving formula milk to him.

To those yg pro bf, read: delaying. Yes. I am not putting such high hope in my attempt to bf lil one. after all, i did failed (100% gagal hookay!!) in feeding Alesha.

So far, lil one is taking about 4 to 5x 4oz in a day. I think i have about 5 days stock in a fridge. With my not so frequent pumping session now, i am hopeful that i can make it to 6 month. Lets cross our fingers.

Now i am about to write something that will pisses everyone off. What breastfeeding is to me. I have to remind readers that this is my personal opinion and writing it on blog is a way of me reminding myself in years to come what is happening to me today. My writing has no bearing on your life and thus you should not feel obligated to comment about it also.

here we go. Breastfeeding to me is hell!!! Ya allah, tuhan aje yang tahu how stressful it was for the first 2 weeks. I was out of my mind and penah rasa cam nak hempas hempas je budak kecik tu ok!! one point i did use a bit of a force when lifting him up in the middle of the nite for feeding. Of which i am still regretting it!!!Dengan crack nipple dengan sakit pinggang and this insecurity of not providing enough...uwaaa bagai nak meroyan mak.

Lets not talk about vanity. My boops are sagging crazy. Yes they were big and perky 1 time and flat and sagging in no time! Most of the time pulak tu!! Eeeee..And to top it of, i think im losing my asset to dear hubby. Laki aku pun cam pandang tak de perasan ok!!

Not to blame him of course. I would lose interest too kalau benda tu 24-7 depan mata. Dah lah depan mata...siap dipergunakan sewenang-wenangnya oleh si kecik tu!! Adeiiiii....Memang la kalau aku tak kuatkan semangat, memang aku sumbat kan aje botol kat budak tu.

Dahlah tu..punya la susah nak tido, mandi, makan etc etc. Memang asyik mengempeng je sepanjang hari. back then, aku tak tau camna nak bf while laying down, so rasa cam nak patah pinggang duduk all nite menyusukan dia. The 1st day kat spital tu, he did not even let go for the entire nite. Bayangkan betapa sorenya aku..tambah mengantuk tambah sakit pinggang dan sebagai. I hated breastfeeding!!

Masuk 3rd week of pantang, i was getting the hang of it. Though still hating it coz i dont have time for myself. mandi pun ala ala bujang lapok la. And not to mention, i was all the time in my drawers. Tak sempat nak put on clothes pun. Eeee again..i hated breastfeeding.

Itu tak masuk lagi nak melayan kerenah Alesha. If i must say this, 1 thing that i hate most about breastfeeding is because you are incapable to do many other things with your loved ones. In my case, melayan alesha as usual. I think she sensed the lack of attention too but know that none of us can do much about it. I hated it the most sebab i was unable to care for her because of this cute bundle attached to my chest.

Masuk 4th week, selepas confident nak menyusu sambil baring and delighted melihat ada hasil selepas perahan, i think i was getting the hang of it. I am not saying its a joy yet (and still is) but it was bearable at that time. And i think Alesha is also getting the hang of being the older sister. Life was starting to get brighter now.

Now, i can say that breastfeeding is a hell experience for me, but as it gets better, i think it has in a way completes me as a mom. Kalau dulu cam rasa inadequate je sebab tak bf Alesha, but now i can say i am a woman who can give my baby food!! hehehe..boleh tak cakap gitu.

The other feeding story is my feeding story. Ya allah..laparnya aku all the time. roti 1 loaf tu tahan 2 hari je tau aku sorang makan. Cam raksasa dah aku rasa aku ni. Asyik lapar je.eeiii siap la aku ni...kalau tak betul mau naik 4x ganda ni!!Sekarang ni tahap kelaparan aku masih lagi cam monster gaban. Aku try gak la nak diet..tapi mana mau tahan seiii...

Itula citer feeding aku..Ni tgh stok makan float sambil minum air soya sambil makan choc rice..Uwaaaaaa

POST NI KHAS UNTUK CIK ZA KITA. CONGRATS..cant wait to hear your feeding story lak. And of course, i hope you can finally pakaikan that lil' dress you bought. hehehe