Wednesday, July 1, 2009

pray for her

i have come a long way to accept my condition. truth be told, i have not accepted it nor have i dont anything about it. I am plainly scared. Scared of the possibilities.

I have lumps on my breasts - more prominently on my right breast. i have done ct scan about a year ago and was confirmed of some shaded results on both breasts. The next step is to get it out via surgery so proper diagnosis can be done. My surgeon has reservation on operating on me. AS azhad is still breastfeeding, there is a possibility that the shaded areas on the scan report were my blocked milk duct and operation may caused the milk to seep out from the wound. Scary thought - i am not ready to endure that.

i am also not ready to wean off Azhad. As advised by the doctor, it will be better if the operation be done after i have fully wean him off milk. another excuse for me not to go for the surgery.

but deep down, i know my ultimate reason. I am scared of bad news. I am not ready to fight. I need my strength for the kids and not for this battle. not yet.

For several months i have been gathering strength by reading cancer-survivors blogs. to know more - on what to expect and simply how to survive.

A blogger who writes really well and fights damn hard is again faced with a challenge. Do pray for her ...and for me for more strength and courage.


hari ni masuk kerja pukul 8.12. giler awal. la ni pukul 8.45 aku dah naik boring. semua blog dah abis aku khatam. siut nganga la aku satu hari ni.. ish..Kerja ada tapi semua dah delegate. huang huang huang.
tetiba terlapar nak makan chic chop keluang station la pulak. hmmm

cik yan; barang belum pos lagi laaaa..ada ni atas cabinet aku.