Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The vanity in me

This post is about me.. me ..me..and the vain me.

I have always tried to potray myself as this confident 'young' lady despite i am a head shorter or 10 kilos heavier than the rest of peeps around me. I have always tried to say that i dont care how i look, i am easy in my own skin.

BUT seriously...who am i kidding. I wish i am 5'8" instead of 4'11". I wish i am 50++ kilos instead of 70++ kilos.

I know there is nothing i can do with my height. Except buy more 3" heel shoes. But my weight..hmm that is another issue.

Weight has always been my problem. Even before i was married, I was forever within the 60 - 65kgs range. If my memory serves me right, with the help of a particular pill, i managed to reduce to a suprising 60kgs for my wedding. And i looked damn good. Clothes fitted nicely on me..and i remember feeling so great and sexy.

Now after 4 years in marriage and 2 kids after that, i am 10 kilos heavier. *sigh* sigh*

I dont feel quite so good about myself now..and come on...who can feel sexy with 2 screaming kids demanding attention and such.

But feeling great and looking sexy are just not for people around me. I need to feel great and desirable for myself. So i can still 'feel' as a woman rather than a mom.*sigh*sigh* again.

Just another luahan rasa coz i think my XXL pant is getting tighter around the waistline these couple of days..huhuhuhu...camna nak kurus ni!!