to go or not to go

Hmm..cam dah syok pulak memblog dalam malay. Lagi feeling kot. Lantak la...hajat hati nak membaguskan english..lantakla..malay pun malay la

Kisah minggu ni lain macam sikit. Aku ni dah disuruh pi China for a week kenkonon nak check out china law etc etc kat sana. Semua orang pun cam impress impress la kenkonon boss handpick for China. Ada jugak yang impress sebab dapat jenjalan kerja kan..tapi ada ke orang nak tanya aku apa aku rasa..

Hmmph..semalam aku bertekak ngan laki aku lagi. Again topic semenjak dua menjak tau nak g China ni, kisahnya pasal isu ke China la. Mulanya aku excited la nak gi, tapi bila tinggal sehari dua lagi ni, cam syahdu lak aku nak tinggal kan si cenonet tu kan umah ngan paknya. Aku rasa aku jeles sebenarnya. Sebabnya, sedangkan aku ada pun, dia buat dek je ngan aku, apatah lagi bila aku takde. Aku dah merasa dah camna rasa bila cenonet tu buat dek kat aku.

Ritu, masa about 1 week aku admit hospital pasal sakit perut lahabau tu, dia buleh buat dek je kat aku..Uiii..memang runtuh hati aku itu hari la..Padan muka aku..sapa suruh tak nyusu badan eks? Itupun dia jumpa gaks aku pepetang bila paknya bawak jumpa waktu melawat. Bila rindu, aku video call. Ni kalau pi China seminggu, nak video call mendenya...rabak poket den!!

The point is semalam, aku punya la excited bagitau hubby my so called clever plan to escape the China trip. Actuallynya bukan la escape sangat pun. I think it would be highly cost and time effective for the company NOT to send me as oppose to sending me there. Boleh tak bagi reason cenggitu??

Yang membengkekkan aku tu, pokcik ni buleh sound sound aku pulak. kata aku ni tak de career orientation la..tak berpandangan jauh la, tak reti nak show my true potential la.

UWAAA...bingit esey nyer tinge dengar..Mau berapi aku nak membalas. Tapi sebab malas nak gaduh kan..aku jawab simple je..Ya betul!!

Lagipun, memang aku takde sangat cita cita nak jadik career lady pun!!! Aku kerja sebab nak bagi family makan. Kalau kawen orang kaya, mau aku berenti kerja jaga anak..lagi best..

Laki aku ni memang tak paham concept family. Bukan la dia tak family oriented. Aku rasa laki aku sesangatla family oriented dari segala hal. Cuma aku nyer hastily generalisation - lelaki ni memang tak paham naluri keibuan.

Dia tak paham kenapa aku berat sangat nak tinggalkan cenonet tu...dia tak paham kenapa aku marah cenonet bila si kecik tu buat salah yang kecik (ni kes nak disiplin anak) TAPI tak marah bila cenonet buat perangai (ni kes dia lapar n mengamuk atau ngantuk tapi tak leh tido sebab gatal).

at the end of the day, untuk menyedapkan hati aku sendiri...aku blame it on his DNA je...buleh tak?

Luahan rasa

adeiii..hari ni nak tulis bahse melayu buleh? Cam tensi je lidah berbelit cakap omputih hari hari.

Hari ni nak lepas perasaan sket. Aku tau la aku baru je tulis post penuh emosi pasai anniversari aku tu. Tapi hati aku ni sebenarnya tengah bengkak ngan laki aku tu.

Aku tau la laki aku pun hati dia bukan lagi bengkak, tapi dah tahap bernanah dah ngan aku ni. Tapi bengkek la aku asyik dia je nak sakit hati, aku sensorang je kena jadik baik hati kan?

Aku rasa kisah bengkak hati dia punca dari aku gak. Gamaknya gini, aku ngandung kali ni, sikap malas aku tahap gaban campur otromen betul la. Adeii...tak hingat punya. Aku yg memandang diri aku pun naik loya nengok kemalasan aku.

Masalahnya, heheh sebelum ngandung pun tahap malas aku ni dah tahap takuk danger zone la. Aku ni memang la tak berapa rajin nak ngemas ngemas masak memasak etc etc. Kalau aku kemas sangat pun, si cenonet tu tgh kaki mengebu. Lagipun, aku nyer prinsip, lagi dekat barang tu nak cakap, lagi mudah la development si kecik tu kan. So...benda benda mainan dan sebagainya bersepah sepahla depan tv dan satu umah aku yg tak berapa besar tu.

Cik abang aku ni pulak the total opposite dari aku. Manala tak...dia ni bukan penah tinggal bujang. Dari kecik sampai besar, dok umah parent dia. Baju tak penah berminggu tak basuh..semua ada orang buatkan. Kalau takde orang buatkan pun, dia buat sendiri la..Memang dah tahap rajin. Aku nak buat camna kan.

Dapat lak mak dia jenis yg house wife tak hingat punya. Korang tau tak, mak metua aku tu, penah saje saje aku balik umah dia, tengok dia tengah potong daun kelapa. Aku tanya pesal tetiba menyabit lak ni. Dia jawab nak buat ketupat makan breakfast ngan kuah kacang ngan rendang. Ni bukan hari minggu tak!!! Hari biasa biasa. Itu tak masuk petang petang mak metua ngan kak ipar aku yg tak kerja tu buat kueh karipap la, kueh koci la, kuih lopes la..uish..memang aku sayang sungguh la ngan mak metua aku. Ni aku rasa balasan baik tuhan sebab aku tak de mak. So dapat la mak metua yg baik hati ni... tetiba terindu lak ngan mak metua aku yg gi umrah ni.

Moralnya citer pasal mak metua aku ni, bukan apa...Laki aku tu dia ada la expectation pasal aku. Aku tau la dia tak harap aku nak jadik cam mak dia. Sebab aku rasa kalau aku jadik pun, dia terpengsan koma terperanjat tengok aku gentel tepung karipap kot. Tapi ada la SEDIKIT expectation yg dia ada. Masalahnya sekarang. aku tak leh nak capai pun. Misal kata buat cekodok pepetang. Hehheeh...aku cakap kat korang..ikhlas nya aku dlm idup yang dah sampai 30 tahun ni ada la 10 kali buat cekodok.

family aku pun bukan jenis yg makan makan petang ni. Kalau makan pun, kitaorang makan kat kedai. Minum petang harap buat air nescafe je, pas tu beli goreng pisang kat gerai.

Yang buat bengkak laki aku tu jadik nanah (aku rasa la), sebab nya bila ngandung ni level kemalasan aku tu dah lebih dari skala yg ada. Melonjak-lonjak sampai kuar carta dah!!..

Ampun yea bie...saya tau la saya ni malasssss dah la malas gemuk pulak....mak aii...aku tulis benda ni pun aku rasa cam nyampah kat diri sendiri.

Aku dok pikir pikir camna la aku nak ambek hati laki aku ni. Nak bawak g jenjalan, pulus aku pun tengah kering ni...nak buat indecent proposal...aku pun loya ngan diri aku sendiri, apatah lagi dia...Tambah-tambah cam buruk je kalau si buncit pakai seksi tak ke?

Adeii...jangan la lelama bernanah hati laki den tu...kang tak pasai pasai jadik pekung lak...

MY THIRD ANNIVERSARY

29 May 2007 was my 3rd anniversary.

Morning as usual was too hectic for us to go out of norm. The though struck me only when i was in the office at about 9.30 a.m.

Snap snap..i took a picture of my smiling face and texted the very mushy anniversary wish to dear hubby and off MMS the same to him.

By 4.00 p.m. i was still waiting for his reply wish. Now starting to sulk and a bit pissed.

4.30 p.m. he called me up and told me he's off to play soccer and SIL babysitting Alesha was not well. Moi have to go back to look after Alesha. Still no anniversary wish.

Now i was totally pissed and sulking like nobody's business.

On the way back to work, he mentioned something about cooking dinner. It has been for months since we had home cooked dinner at home - we always had dinner first at MIL's before heading home- I was too pissed to pay any attention. Still no anniversary wish.

ding-dong-ding-dong, its 8.00 p.m. and we were on the way back home. STILL NO ANNIVERSARY WISH!! I was by then too tired to be pissed.

When we arrived, dear hubby asked me to open the door for him. Puzzled as he was always the one with the key. Hmmm...when i opened the door, this was what i see...

Yahooooooo he did remember!!

and there was this peculiar sweet scented smell in the house. I also noticed that my bedroom door was shut closed. I had a habit of drying my towel on the door, so the door was forever cracked ajar because of the towel. Something fishy was going on.

and this was what i see when i opened the door...

Thank you bie...:))

We had our scented candle light dinner at 10.00 p.m. (i was too high on cloud 9 to notice it took him 2 hours to cook black pepper meat, black pepper mushroom and kerang tomato - all recipes he cut off from magazines that morning) with a bottle of cheap Bubbly Grape Drink. Again i was too love-drunk to notice that!!

It was a romantic dinner ...

....except for this lil' pest between us....Lil' Alesha of course....:)

All in all, it was a lovely day for me...minus the hassle of cleaning up after that!!!

Little things like this make me remember the reason why i married him in the first place. We have know each other since we were 18. He was then my first boyfriend and i was his first too.

We went through adolescent together. We cried, laughed and played together. and at times we took each other for granted.

But when we took little effort like this in our relationship, it opens our eyes and warms our heart.

God may have other plan for us and for the time being...HIS plan includes me and him together.

Donkie ME!!

Doink! and double Doink!!

I have been blogging for several months now. But ok this is how blur people crossed the line at being just a inch away from a donkie..I just realised people have been leaving comments on my blog!!!!

Hehhehe...so u guys....thanks for dropping by...I think it would be too late to reply now. But thanks again and know that I READ YOU...

I READ YOU!!

Its seems like forever since my last post.phew...lotsa things had happened. Dont have the time to write them all.

But i feel like writing something down today. I have not been THAT busy. Yes..i have been busy but NOT that busy to stop visiting some of my favorite blogs. These people may not realise that im keeping track of the happenings in their lives more than my own. In fact, i have never met some of them and had not been more than an acquantance (did i get the spelling rite?) to them.

But then again, i read their posts like they are my best buddies. i think reading their posts mold me into a better person. Reading their posts make me realised i am just human - a working mom who wants only whats best for her family. NOT a superwoman whom i think i should be.

So to my cyber 'acquantances' out there...keep on writing. Now u know it makes a different to somebody's life out there - ME!!

Alesha is tickling my laughing bone.

This is what happened this morning -

Me : Sha, come la kiss mam..
Sha: Na nak (smiling sweetly and shaking her head)
Me : Sikit je...sayang mama sini (pointing to my cheek)
Sha: Sha na nak (Sha tak nak)
Me : Sha sayang papa tak?
Sha: Muahs (stand up walk to hubby and give him a kiss with that smacking sound and lie down again)
Me : haa..mama punya turn pulak.. Come sayang mama
Sha: Mama na nak...

This is what happened yesterday -

Pa : Sha sayang papa ke mama?
Sha: Mama muahss (did the flying kiss mouth smacking act)
Pa : Sha sayang papa kan?
Sha: Na nak. Mama (pointing at me)

Now should i smile or cry?

YEAR END INCOMING

Can u see the 2 lines there?

YES... it's positive. Come December 2007, we are going to have another baby on the roll.

Its really a pre-planned thingy. Lets not get into how the coercion part was involved in the making on #2. (i just read a blog on how awkward this girl was feeling whenever she hears couple telling they are trying = make love = have sex >> though it escapes me how the act of actually doing is ok and talking about it not ok *ponder*ponder*) But to simply put ..i dont want to make ppl reading this blog awkward in any sense.

Alrite...but i think how i plan for #2 should be recorded somewhere. At least i can recall the making of #2 when he (i hope #2 is a HE) all grown up and trying to act wise with me.

1. Keep track of your menstrual cycle. For at least 3 mos. Your 1st day of period and cycle etc etc (heavy/medium flows)
2. Keep track of your fertility chart
3. Keep track of your mating sessions

basically all these and with God's Blessing...u have lil one swimming in your belly.

Have been trying to get a 2007 baby since Alesha turned 1. Reason being im getting older and i like year end babies. So the new year will signifies new beginning with new family members. Some mumbo jumbo like that.

Being older means i have to carefully plan my 'productivity' output too. I dont have the time to re-procreate same output over and over again without variety. WAHHHH...now im sounding like a production machine. but u get my drift.

Now the stress is getting to know the gender of my incoming baby. Still a long way to go. About 35 weeks to be exact.

Which also means i have exactly 7 weeks left to start feeling miserable.

and another 24 weeks to start cursing my ever bloated tummy and forever cramped legs. Arrghh....why do i want another baby ?? - im asking myself now.

But what i cant hardly wait, is to see the baby clear eyes looking at me. Alesha was looking straight at me the moment the doc lifted her up to me. And the feeling was incredible. I will surfer 55 weeks of cramped legs just to experience that feeling again....

Gawd...the lil' one is still fighting for survival and i am now thinking 2009 would be a nice year for new addition in the family. SUCKER!!!