MALAYSIA KITA

Al kisahnya hari ahad ritu aku bercinta nak makan chillies. SO berkoyon-koyon la kami anak beranak ke chillies ou. sambil tu aku invite la sefamily kawan aku and adik aku.


Makan punya makan punya makan - ni memang no kidding ni, aku memang boleh makan. Sedar sedar itu kedai sudah tarik pintu mau tutup. Aku ingatkan tak nak balik lagi, tapi alesha dah nangis sebab freak-out kena kurung dalam kedai. So balik la kitaorang.


Korang tau kan, lately ni kan memalam suka hujan. Laki aku yg sangat la blur matanya itew pada waktu malam drive keta dengan kadar sederhana. Aku takde la rasa laju sangat keta capuk 11 tahun kitaorang tu, tapi aku tau keta 1.8 cc tu memang boleh pick-up speed kalau dipress kuat-kuat pedalnya.


Nak jadik citer, kitaorang dah ter- accident. namanya pun accident kan. takkan la laki aku sengaja nak langgar X-trail yg tak moving depan kitaorang tu.


Jangan gelabah - aku anak beranak sihat wal'afit. Laki aku terkehel pinkie dia (aku pun tak paham camna dlm banyak2 part kat badan dia, pinkie pulak yg terkehel), lutut aku lebam sket sebab impact menahan badan (tangan kiri pegang kepala azhad, tangan kanan grabbed baju alesha from behind - lutut terpaksa jadik stopper la). Aku tak mo nak pikir benda lain selain yg kitaorang anak beranak selamat. Yg sebenarnya lepas accident tu, memang aku ngan hubby menggigil seram sejuk memikirkan WHAT IFs...


Tapi yang aku nak ceritakan, betapa di malaysia ni masih lagi wujud orang yg prihatin.

Bila dah accident tu, kereta yg dilanggar mestila kuar dulu kan. Kereta yg melanggar - keta aku tu slow sket la sebab nak recover from shock. Bila kuar aje driver keta tu En. Driver sound laki aku.."Awak laju sangat ni.." sambil jenguk jenguk ke dalam keta - laki aku kan still tak kuar lagi.

Laki aku bagi la all sort of excuses - malas aku nak tulis sebab pada aku kalau nak jadi akan jadik. Diaorang pun ketepi, exchange card. And the next thing aku tau, En. Driver drove off - selepas jenguk lagi kat kitaorang dalam keta and cakap "Bawak anak-anak gi check doktor"

Aku cam terpinga-pinga tengok En. Driver drove away. Biar benar. in most cases, mesti kalau keta kita kena langgar, kita gaduh-gaduh sungguh-sungguh kan. Tapi lain benar ngan En. Driver ni. Bukan sahaja dia tak kisah bumper nissan extrailnya bengkok dan senget, malah dia risaukan pulak anak-anak aku dalam keta ni.

Laki aku pun bagitau, masa tukar card kat tepi kereta, he repeatedly asked anak-anak takde apa ke..jatuh ke tidak..wife ok ke?

Apa yang nak aku sampaikan ni...maknanya malaysian boleh bersikap prihatin dan bukan kiasu nak bergaduh bila time accident. Its a matter of choice kita nak bertindak macamana dalam situasi bergini.

Untuk En. Driver yang prihatin, meskipun kereta ku remuk masuk bengkel sebulan, meskipun lutut ke bengkak, tapi keprihatinanmu menusuk ke kalbu.

row row the boat

Alkisahnya aku dok borak-borak ngan kawan aku smalam. Timbul la kisah kenapa kita nak memblog..memfp dan sebagainya. Sah sah la dia ni bukan pro benda benda cengini. Apatah lagi konsep cyber gathering, fp gathering ni. Aku pulak more on tengah tengah side. Tapi apa yang dia cakap tu got me thinking jugak la.

Adakah aku pernah ter went overboard dengan fp dan blog diary aku? Bak kata dia la..takkan kisah keluarga pun nak citer in the net. nak bagi malu family? nak bagi malu nama baik suami sendiri citer kisah bengang ngan laki online?Lagipun, kita je yg tak tau sapa baca blog kita. For all we know, pak sedara, pak metua, mak sedara, mak metua pun penah baca blog kita.

Aku setuju jugak. Aku tak paham kenapa orang nak citer dia beli baju selai pun nak post gamba kat blog. Yg pelik nya kalau beli baju branded je dia post, time beli baju kat JJ tak pulak post ek? And jangan menipu kata tak pernah beli baju kat JJ. Mesti sekali dalam hidup korang, korang penah beli kan?

Tapi aku penah come across another blog yg cakap whather she writes on her blog is her own business. Which in a way is true. Tapi kalau dok asyik upload gamba branded stuff yang dia beli tu, kekadang makes me wonder apa la motive sebenar dia nak tulis semua tu.

Ada jugak yang tulis melampau lampau pasal perasaan terutamanya perasaan bengkek laki bini. Haa..yang ni aku nak mengaku aku rasa aku pun terbawa bawa. At times, aku rasa cam nak reverse balik je tulisan aku tu..and memang penah aku buat gitu pun. Aku delete balik my post. Tapi aku paham kekadang kita memang terbawa bawa nak vent out anger dalam ni.

Aku pun tak tau kenapa aku tulis post ni. I guess its a reminder not to go overboard. Afterall..terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata parah akibatnya. In this case, terlajak blog, aku tak tau function nak delete. hahaha..

INTRODUCING AZHAD RAZAN

I just let the pictures do the talking this time ok?

My feeding story

This post serves to tell 2 stories.


One is of my breastfeeding story. Alhamdullillah, after 66 days of having lil one, i can still say that he is on mama's milk 100%. minus the air zam zam that we gave him once inawhile (or air lain - in case ada yg gatal tangan bagi behind my back) i have succeeded in delaying giving formula milk to him.


To those yg pro bf, read: delaying. Yes. I am not putting such high hope in my attempt to bf lil one. after all, i did failed (100% gagal hookay!!) in feeding Alesha.


So far, lil one is taking about 4 to 5x 4oz in a day. I think i have about 5 days stock in a fridge. With my not so frequent pumping session now, i am hopeful that i can make it to 6 month. Lets cross our fingers.


Now i am about to write something that will pisses everyone off. What breastfeeding is to me. I have to remind readers that this is my personal opinion and writing it on blog is a way of me reminding myself in years to come what is happening to me today. My writing has no bearing on your life and thus you should not feel obligated to comment about it also.


here we go. Breastfeeding to me is hell!!! Ya allah, tuhan aje yang tahu how stressful it was for the first 2 weeks. I was out of my mind and penah rasa cam nak hempas hempas je budak kecik tu ok!! Well..at one point i did use a bit of a force when lifting him up in the middle of the nite for feeding. Of which i am still regretting it!!!Dengan crack nipple dengan sakit pinggang and this insecurity of not providing enough...uwaaa bagai nak meroyan mak.


Lets not talk about vanity. My boops are sagging crazy. Yes they were big and perky 1 time and flat and sagging in no time! Most of the time pulak tu!! Eeeee..And to top it of, i think im losing my asset to dear hubby. Laki aku pun cam pandang tak de perasan ok!!


Not to blame him of course. I would lose interest too kalau benda tu 24-7 depan mata. Dah lah depan mata...siap dipergunakan sewenang-wenangnya oleh si kecik tu!! Adeiiiii....Memang la kalau aku tak kuatkan semangat, memang aku sumbat kan aje botol kat budak tu.


Dahlah tu..punya la susah nak tido, mandi, makan etc etc. Memang asyik mengempeng je sepanjang hari. back then, aku tak tau camna nak bf while laying down, so rasa cam nak patah pinggang duduk all nite menyusukan dia. The 1st day kat spital tu, he did not even let go for the entire nite. Bayangkan betapa sorenya aku..tambah mengantuk tambah sakit pinggang dan sebagai. I hated breastfeeding!!


Masuk 3rd week of pantang, i was getting the hang of it. Though still hating it coz i dont have time for myself. mandi pun ala ala bujang lapok la. And not to mention, i was all the time in my drawers. Tak sempat nak put on clothes pun. Eeee again..i hated breastfeeding.


Itu tak masuk lagi nak melayan kerenah Alesha. If i must say this, 1 thing that i hate most about breastfeeding is because you are incapable to do many other things with your loved ones. In my case, melayan alesha as usual. I think she sensed the lack of attention too but know that none of us can do much about it. I hated it the most sebab i was unable to care for her because of this cute bundle attached to my chest.



Masuk 4th week, selepas confident nak menyusu sambil baring and delighted melihat ada hasil selepas perahan, i think i was getting the hang of it. I am not saying its a joy yet (and still is) but it was bearable at that time. And i think Alesha is also getting the hang of being the older sister. Life was starting to get brighter now.


Now, i can say that breastfeeding is a hell experience for me, but as it gets better, i think it has in a way completes me as a mom. Kalau dulu cam rasa inadequate je sebab tak bf Alesha, but now i can say i am a woman who can give my baby food!! hehehe..boleh tak cakap gitu.


The other feeding story is my feeding story. Ya allah..laparnya aku all the time. roti 1 loaf tu tahan 2 hari je tau aku sorang makan. Cam raksasa dah aku rasa aku ni. Asyik lapar je.eeiii siap la aku ni...kalau tak betul mau naik 4x ganda ni!!Sekarang ni tahap kelaparan aku masih lagi cam monster gaban. Aku try gak la nak diet..tapi mana mau tahan seiii...

Itula citer feeding aku..Ni tgh stok makan float sambil minum air soya sambil makan choc rice..Uwaaaaaa

POST NI KHAS UNTUK CIK ZA KITA. CONGRATS..cant wait to hear your feeding story lak. And of course, i hope you can finally pakaikan that lil' dress you bought. hehehe

IM BACK

UWAAA...lama nya tak jumpa internet. Boleh meroyan rasanya tak dpt surf web-web yang aku slalu frequent.



hehehe guys..im back, but not for long. hari ni aku decide nak menjejakkan kaki ke opis. Nak refresh memory aku mana aku letak pen, mana aku letak documents.



untuk korang yg post comments in my previous post..dah slamat dah den nih!!



Wokey..cerita yang ditunggu-tunggu. Although a bit basi, tapi aku cerita gak la..More for my sake rather than yours..sebab nya kita ni kan maha pelupa.



Just what i said in my previous post, we intended to get it over and done with on 071207. Tapi after much thoughts and selepas sort kan activities laki bini, we finally decided that wednesday 051207 would be the suitable date to go to the hospital.



So pagi tu, aku pun lenggang kangkung kemas-kemas barang pakai cantek cantek gi spital. Tapi pagi tu, hehehe kena la pekena breakfast yg gempak sikit kan...almaklumla..lepas tu kan nak kena pantang.



So there we went to pekena Nasi Lemak Tanglin and mee kicap kat sana. Aku belasah cukup cukup..rasa nak order bertalam talam. Tapi all the while masa tengah makan, perut asyik rasa memulas nak membuang. Potong steam betul..tak kena pulak aku nak belasah bila perut rasa tak sedap ni.



Appointment was set at 830am..tapi aku sampai spital dalam pukul 11.00am. Sampai-sampai straight kena dok atas wheelchair and ditolak ke labour room. Apparently thats the procedure kat spital tu. Rather than waiting in the normal ward, they wheeled you to the labour room, which looked very much like a single bed ward and there you wait for delivery.



Sebabkan si cenonet tu ada tailing around, and only spouse and mother can teman you there in the room, hubby letak barang and balik hantar cenonet to her nenek.



About 12 noon cam tu, nurse datang check. Aku ni dah tak sabar sabar nak meng-induce-kan diri aku. Siap tanya dr. nak datang what time nak bagi ubat, what kind of ubat dr. akan bagi etc etc etc.



But the nurse calmly cakap, kita check dulu kak..dalam hati aku..aik...tak baca rekod ke apa..aku ni datang nak induce. Bukan nya normal delivery sakit ke apa. But what the heck..there i go..kangkang la mak..



Jeng jeng jeng...this come as a suprise to even me..aku actually dah 3cm dilated. DUh! rupanya sakit perut memulas nak membuang tu minor contraction la..ceeee



So there goes my careful plan to induce the delivery. Nurse cakap we just wait and see la. Ceeehhhhh..Buang karan betul la. Kalau aku tau gitu, dah sakit maut baru aku datang spital..Takde la aku melepak boring kat spital sensorang. At this point, i called hubby and told him to finish whatever remaining jobs he had. Tak yah la datang spital pun sebab aku tak kan beranak any time soon.



At around 3 pm, aku dah mabuk boring dah ni. Puas la aku jenjalan siap dengar orang bilik sebelah beranak..siap nyibuk tengok nurse bersihkan baby tu..magazines kat waiting room tu jangan cakap la..dah naik hafal dah aku. Then only, dr. datang visit aku.



Cek la..mak pun kangkang la..Aisay..buang karan je aku jalan iya iya..still 3 cm. So doktor pun cakap...u gi naik atas la. Dok dalam ward. Alaaaaaa ni yg aku lemah ni.



So by 4 pm tu, aku pun di wheeled kan la ke normal ward. Lepak la kat sana borak borak yg member sebilik aku. tengah tengah borak aku dah rasa lain macam. Aiiyakk...sudah contraction la pulak. Masa tu aku dah rasa nyesal lak sebab pilih normal ward.



Bukan apa...aku cam dah tak terdaya nak mantain macho depan member se-ward. Memula tu eksyen, bukak tirai tu. Abis bila dah sakit lain macam, aku pelan pelan tutup cover tu. Kena la cover kan bila contraction tu datang..Takkan la aku menggelupur depan member tu.



Sambil tu aku jalan jalan jugak la..Lepak kat waiting room tu..semua orang tau bila aku contraction. takde la aku jerit jerit pun..cuma aku menggelupur je la grab kusi la..tekan kepala la..gitu gitu je la..



Sampai point aku rasa aku tak leh nak duduk and maintain dignity masa contraction tu, aku pun panggil nurse. Dah rasa lain macam dah ni.. Dia pun time la contraction about 5-6 min apart. By 6 pm, aku diwheeledkan balik to my labour room. vaginal check by the nurse, aku dah 5cm dilated.



Masa ni aku call laki aku cakap aku dah nak beranak kot. So dia boleh la datang spital. Tup tup dah pukul 7. Laki aku pun sampai..doktor pun sampai. Doktor cek lagi, and told me aku dah 8 cm. Aku masa ni dah hilang pertimbangan sikit la. rasa nak gigit kepala katil masa sakit tu pun ada jugak. Tapi maintain lagi la..paling paling pun aku grip tepi katil atau kusi yang aku duduk tu. Pendek kata, memang aku tak senang duduk la..kejab dok kat katil, kejab berdiri, kejab kat kusi..



Lepas azan maghrib (aku kan kat pusrawi-azan ada kat radio diaorang) team of doctor and nurses ambushed room aku. hehehe..takde la ambush..more like datang beramai ramai dan memeranjatkan aku yang tengah mengelupur tahan contraction. Rupanya doktor datang pecah air ketuban. Leeee...gini ke rasanya pecah ketuban. Basah kuyup aku dibuatnya..Kenapa masa alesha dulu tak messy cam ni? I wonder..



Anyhow..korang tau la what happened lepas pecah air ketuban. Mak datuk ya allah sakit nya..Again..kenapa masa alesha tak sakit cam ni? Aku pun tak tau. Memang masa tu aku vividly remember aku tak mo beranak lagi..aku tak mo normal delivery lagi..



Oohh..aku terlupa nak cakap..At about 5 -6 cm dilated, aku did ask the nurse for epi..tapi seperti zaman alesha..i was told it was too late for epi. Eiiiii...time tengah peak sakit tu, memang nyesal aku tak mintah epi. Nyesal nyesal nyesal!!!!



By 9 pm, there was sensation to push. Tapi very low la..But me being me..aku dah tak tahan sakit, aku push jugak. Doktor wasnt there yang ada hanya nurse..Memang puas la aku mintak vacuum la..potong la apa apa la to expedite kan beranak..Tak larat dah aku. rasa nak tercabut nyawa.



Last last nurse cakap ambik gas. Haaa..ini memang sesalan aku yang amat sangat. EEEeeeiiii gini rupanya ambik gas. Memang la ko macam leka je waktu contraction tu, tapi adeeeiii aku rasa aku macam mamat high. Sampaikan nurse suruh aku angkat kaki pun aku tak larat. All i could mustered was this groaning cum moaning answer yang sebenarnya bermaksud.."saya tak larat la kak.."



I heard story about gas ni, tapi tak sangka the effect was such, sampai i lost control of my bodily function. Sampai tahap nak push pun, i couldnt even master the energy to push. Nak cakap pun dok slur slur . Eiiii kalau aku mati la time tu, memang mati anjing je la..



Dek kerana 'kemalasan' aku tu..nurse ordered hubby to stop supplying the gas. Lupa lak aku..this delivery, laki aku tu official gas mask holder. Hahhaha...i only have to moan slightly..and the gas mask will be automatically placed on my face. Bagus tak laki aku. Memang active betul dia this time.



By 945 pm, the effect of the gas was finally wearing off me. The doctor was there and my feets were both up in the air. This was when i felt a sensation between my legs.. not a really good sensation i must tell ya. More like warm tearing feelings.



But aku ni yang hilang pertimbangan and acting like a first time mother (duh! kenapa aku boleh jadik gitu eh???) boleh tak- tak tau that its my baby coming out..Cam tu ye rasanya..Its good and not so good feeling..Boleh tak describe gitu??



Between crazy pushing and rambling mad for vacuum delivery..i had somehow manage to push the baby out. But like the rest of women of the world said, nothing beats the feeling of baby on your tummy.



And this time, the doctor did put the baby - blood, umbilical cord and all on my tummy and i did hang on to his arm when doctor was cutting his umbilical cord. What an amazing feeling eh?



I remembered doctor was asking me..you ingat tak i cakap u dapat baby apa masa check up..and i answered slurringly of course..lelaki..and yes..it is a boy!! masa tu aku mamai mamai mintak balik glasses aku.. sebab nak tengok baby.



Aku memang tekad delivery kali ni aku nak pakai spek mata aku. sebabnya masa alesha tu, everything went so fast dan aku sangatla rabun tak nampak apa sebab bukak spek. So kali ni..hell no im not taking my glasses of. Sometime during aku majal gas tu, nurse suh aku bukak spek so help me pushing - jgnla tanya aku camna it helps..aku pun tak tau logiknya. Tapi hubby did take my spec off and minah mamai ni tak de kederat la nak say no.

So at 945pm..beranak lah aku. By 1030pm, i have succesfully breastfed lil one.

Gitu la kisah beranak aku. Nothing exciting but pain pain and more pain. Itu aje dah cukup untuk jadik contraceptive aku for the time being. Hehehe

note: this entry was written on 31 Jan 2008

ALIVE & KICKING

I am still alive and kicking..ehh salah salah I am still big and in pain!!

hahahha...well i know you guys havent been seeing me around as much as u used to. Not by choice absolutely. La ni dah pindah office baru. I have yet to reinstall my YM and of course, bila nak dekat dekat meletup ni, it seems kerja macam bertimbun-timbun lak yang datang.

I have roughly discussed THE DATE. Its gonna be on the 7th December 2007. Ambil berkat hari Jumaat and taking other contibuting factors also (read: Kenduri adik ipar on 8 Dec 2007). Tapi deep down la kan, if you ask me, rasanya cam nak branak cepat aje. Dah tak larat dah mak ni oiiii....

But then again, I am still crossing my fingers of normal kuar tanda delivery. So hari hari wishful thinking masa pi kencing...Hoping for some sign. Tahap kemaruk nak beranak dah aku ni..

So to you guys out there..will keep u updated. Kalau sempat dan ada masa, i'll write more. Kalau idak, tunggu la update lepas meletup wokey..

Deyyy!! Padayappa!!!

Korang suka tengok tamil movies tak? Im talking about tamil movies with significantly fairer hero and heroin (where the rest of the cast were ehem very 'tan') and the background setting is of paddy field and cows where you can visibly see cow manures (and sometimes the casts are actually dancing on ground filled with them) NOT hindustani movies ok!!



Well..i must confess..I am an addict to Tamil Movies. Know some of them and even have a list of my fav actors/actresses. Some i know by name, and some i just know by face. Surya is good actor, Ajith too and who could denied Sivaji's greatness? Those who did now know who Sivaji is..its Rajnikanth la...also my favorite Mr. Padayappa. Watched that movie like 100 times and still fascinated with how he flipped his selempang over his shoulder.



You know la deepavali kan. Surely our one and only paid tv station tu airkan lotsa movies. So..last sunday, when hubby was not home, alesha was sleeping, i got to spend time in front of tv. Naik majal kepala aku dengar tamil dialogues dari pukul 12 sampai pukul 7 ptg.



Tapi aku sampai ke hari ni, sangatla kagum dengan jalan cerita kisah-kisah tamil movies ni. The movie i watched at 12 tu, basically pasal how this hero went against the system and bunuh semua gomen officer yg makan rasuah etc etc. Despite the cliche hero tu tak cedera sikit pun lepas lawan dekat 20 orang yang senjata parang (dia bare hand aje wokeh!!) yang meng impress kan aku ialah the fact that love story citer tu ada la dekat in total 15 min. je. Hebatkan? citer drama melayu kita pun tak gitu.

The point is, aku nak cakap tak kira betapa clichenye separuh citer tu, but if you do it right, tanpa elemen cinta pun, u can attract people to watch.

N.B: post ni aku korek dari draf lelama. Was written long time ago some time during deepavali.